If you're looking for love or companionship in 2023, and think that February 14 is a good time to begin the search, remember that not everyone is who they say they are online.

February, with its corporate quagmire of sentimental silliness that is Valentine's Day slap bang in the middle, making single people feel extremely downtrodden and isolated.

Constant reminders are everywhere you turn: in your emails, your socials, the TV, radio...you can't move for mush!

So it's little wonder that people look for love and companionship online at this time of year, and start to think about dating again.

But if you intend to lead yourself from loneliness this Valentine's Day, and are preparing to search for your soulmate, be aware: romance fraudsters are out there, waiting to pounce on unsuspecting singletons looking for love online.

They’ll shower you with compliments, embellish the truth and suck you in to their web of deceit (see our blog on the Netflix show The Tinder Swindler for an extreme example of this).

So, while it’s nice to be told you’re attractive, smart and funny (one assumes, wouldn’t know [sad face emoji]), you need to be mindful that some people are not who they say they are online.

You may have heard of the term “catfishing”, whereby people upload photos of other - usually more attractive - people to lure the person in to chat with them. There’s no law against using someone else’s image, although if you suspect they are pretending to be someone else, you can report the account to the app or site, as that is most certainly a breach of their terms and conditions.

Catfishing becomes illegal, however, if the scammer uses the fake profile to trick you into sending them money. This is fraud, and it is, of course, unlawful.

But how can you tell if you’re talking to a romance scammer or a flirtatious fraudster? Below are some of the tell-tale signs to help you swipe the right way this winter...

Avoidance

You see someone you like the look of; you like their bio, and they seem genuinely nice. Or someone likes the look of you, they seem sincere and honest, so you strike up a conversation. They might be funny, witty, suave, sophisticated etc, it’s going well.

But they don’t want to talk on the phone or meet up. The thought of a video chat scares them half to death. Is it possible that they don’t want you to hear or see them because they’re not who they say they are? What reason have they given for this reluctance to move to another level? If the reason seems invalid, move on.

Asking you to move your chat off the dating site

This is a tricky one, because more often than not, if a conversation is going well in the confines of the app/site, there’s a good chance that you’ll want to come off the site and chat on a more familiar platform, most probably WhatsApp, with its veritable smorgasbord of playful and flirtatious emojis and gifs.

But, make sure you’re happy to do this. If you’re not comfortable or suspect all is not well, politely ask to continue using the app. A common tactic of scammers is to ask you to talk on email, text or Whatsapp, in case the dating site or app gets wise to their scam. They will want to move to a place where they have you alone. It’s the online equivalent of going down a dark alley to chat. Be careful.

“I’m overseas and struggling atm”

Hmmm, are you now? Are you really on that hi-powered business trip to Geneva, New York or Paris? It’s a scenario that romance scammers often use: pretend to be stuck abroad on a business trip without access to their bank accounts.

Scam victims frequently report being asked to send money internationally to pay for flights or an alleged visa, only never to hear from them again.

Their profile is too good to be true

Does the person you’re chatting to look like Scarlett Johansson or Chris Hemsworth? Do they resemble a Victoria’s Secret model or a Greek Adonis? Do they make it clear that they have a great job, are very wealthy and charitable? These are common tactics of dating scammers: the gorgeous, well-off good guys and gals. Be careful of sexy and exciting. It's sometimes just a façade.

They ask you too many questions

Some romance scammers are trying to gain enough information about you to be able to steal your identity, it’s not all about getting you to send them money. Sure you have to ask questions, that’s the whole point of dating: to get to know each other to make a judgement about that person. But are they too intrusive? Are they asking questions that make you feel uncomfortable? Are you left wondering why they need to know the answer to your first pet, where you were born or your mother’s maiden name?

It gets serious, too soon

Calm down, take a step back and cool your jets! Dating is supposed to be fun and flirty. If someone is dropping the L Bomb without ever having met you, alarm bells should be sounding. They could be attempting to gain your trust, playing on your vulnerabilities or pandering to what you want to know or hear so you’ll be more willing to send them money.

They’re experiencing a tragedy

That old chestnut. “I’m really struggling since they left” or “I’m just not sure how I’ll cope” yadda yadda yadda. Yes it sounds cynical, but scammers will often tell you that they are recently bereaved or that they - or someone they are close to - is seriously ill to make you feel sorry for them. It’s a red flag that scam victims often describe in their accounts of being scammed. We’re not being heartless, we’re being realistic here.

Wait, I thought you said…

“Oh yeah no sorry, you must have misunderstood or perhaps I didn’t make myself clear”. A liar will often forget the lies they tell. Mark Twain once wrote: “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything", and it applies here.

They may be a calculated scammer, with a list of everything you’ve said to hand. But sometimes they will slip up and their story will be a little wonky. Or they may not know what you’re talking about when you mention something you have mentioned before. Red light city! Scammers don’t always work alone, and if they’ve forgotten past conversations it could be a group effort.

It's all about the money, money, money...

Money is the primary focus of a romance fraudster. It is important that no matter how long you’ve been speaking to someone online and how much you think you trust them, if you have not met them in person it’s important that you do not:

• Send them any money
• Allow them access to your bank account
• Transfer money on their behalf
• Take a loan out for them
• Provide copies of your personal documents such as passports or driving licenses
• Invest your own money on their behalf or on their advice
• Purchase and send the codes on gift cards from Amazon or iTunes
• Agree to receive and/or send parcels on their behalf (laptops, mobile phones etc.)

What to do if you suspect you’re talking to a romance fraudster

• Well, you could become an online detective and do some digging of your own, like Googling their name or doing a reverse image search of their profile photo. Pro tip: if you right click on their picture on Chrome it should come up with the option to search Google for this image, or copy the photo and paste it into Google Images to see whether the picture is being used elsewhere online.
• Ask to talk on the phone. If they give you a number with a foreign area code or have an accent that is not native to where they told you they’re from, it’s likely you’re being catfished. “You said you were from Leeds. You’re more Alan Sugar than Alan Bennett!”
• Another authentication tactic you can use is to ask them for a video call, or a Teams or Zoom 'pre-date meet'. There really is no escaping then. If they refuse and seem panicked, this could indicate catfishing. Ask them why they're so uncomfortable with the prospect of a video chat. Some people are of course shy. But if they are who they say they are, this really shouldn't be a hurdle as they will have to show their face some day if they're the real deal!
• If you do fall for their scam hook, line and sinker, no matter how silly or embarrassed you might feel, tell your bank as soon as possible if you have shared your bank or credit card details with a scammer. The bank might be able to block your card or hold any unusual transactions before the scammer can access your money.
• And finally, report it. If you’ve been a victim of a scam, you can report it to the police through Action Fraud. They could catch the scammer and stop somebody else falling victim to them later down the line.

Remember: dating is supposed to be fun. Don’t get caught with your pants down!

Reporting

Report all Fraud and Cybercrime to Action Fraud by calling 0300 123 2040 or online. Forward suspicious emails to report@phishing.gov.uk. Report SMS scams by forwarding the original message to 7726 (spells SPAM on the keypad).